today i got my degree...i'm happy... but.. somehow..deep inside i can't make myself happy...

yes im immensely proud that i got first class and was placed on president's honor roll for USP...

looking at wat i get..its like perfect...its like the school saying...this is the best we have to offer...

but i feel so..lost...i feel that im not the best..i can't live up to the name that i have been conferred. 2 months into my job and i dun seem to be as efficient as i would like to be. things left unfinished. everyday i'm asking myself...wats left?..wats the first thing i need to do when i reach back office. is there things to be thought out before i go back office. so that i can think outside and once go back office can start doing....

somehow i just don't get it...i hope i get it...i just dont..

my boss remarked to me yesterday "hey i din noe u have first class"...

alamak...paiseh to share ma....1st class..still make a mess out of things...

everything also need to be spoonfed...alamak....

if i kena nevamind...but i dun want to cause my boss to kena because of my mistakes... liews....

haiz..everything i do...or everything that i think aobut...my conscience bugs me...

maybe i should ignore these panicky thouts...and just tell myself...everything will be alright eventually. if there is an eventually..